if you think your family is dysfunctional remember that zeus got a woman pregnant but she burned to death so he rescued the fetus from her ashes and sewed it into his thigh and gave birth to it himself and that fetus is now the god of wine and sexual deviancy god bless
My great aunt stabbed her husband in the stomach on their anniversary and he decided not to divorce her because he didn’t want a custody battle over the goats.
My great uncle died and the mayor found his body and they had two services for him, one in North Carolina (where his mistress was) and one in Pennsylvania (where he and his wife were from). This, mind you, was his second wife. The one he left his first wife for. After cheating on her for years. And one of the daughters, who had found Islam in prison, didn’t want any passages from the bible read, but the pastor read them anyway.
(I am working late at night in a 24-hour pharmacy. There are only three customers in the store: a scruffy but clean young couple and another gentleman. The woman in the young couple is very heavily pregnant, and her partner is picking up the range of baby hats we carry and holding them up against her stomach, then looking at the prices and sadly putting them back. They pick up a packet of the cheapest pain medication we carry and bring it to the counter.)
Female Customer: “I’m sorry, but can you please ask the pharmacist if these are safe for me to take?”
Me: “Of course!”
(While we’re waiting for the pharmacist to come out, they tell me they’re expecting their daughter any day now. The pharmacist has been watching the young couple since they came in.)
Pharmacist: “These are fine, but can I ask why you need them?”
Female Customer: “Oh, I have a horrible cough that’s making my back ache even worse. I can’t get to sleep.”
(The pharmacist goes through a list of cough medicines safe for her to take, before the young man shakes his head with tears in his eyes.)
Male Customer: “I’m sorry, I’ve just lost my job and we really can’t afford any of those. Sorry for wasting your time.”
Pharmacist: “That’s okay, but this packet is damaged, and legally I can’t let you take it. Seeing as it was the last one, let me and [my name] go look in the back for some more.”
(The pharmacist takes me out the back, where he puts three packets of name brand painkillers, four bottles of name brand cough syrup, a wheat bag for her back, a tin of formula, a packet of newborn nappies and a few of the hats the couple was looking at into a box. He hands me the box and tells me to take it out to them. I do and they both burst into tears, thanking us over and over again. They leave with huge smiles on their faces.)
Female Customer: “Thank you again!”
Other Customer: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but over hear. Did you say you just lost your job at [local company]?”
Male Customer: “Yes, I was an IT tech.”
Other Customer: “I own [other computer store in the area], and I’m looking for a new tech. Can you start tomorrow?”
(There were tears all round that night. A week later, the young woman brought in her beautiful daughter and a giant batch of cupcakes for the pharmacy staff. Best night at work ever!)
My sister’s math teacher seems like kind of a dick. English isn’t his first language, and he has a Phd in Engineering, so….what he’s doing teaching 9th grade math, I don’t know.
Anyway, they are doing proofs, and he called her up to do the drill.
She did all but two correctly, and he said “What is wrong with you these two are total bullshit!” Which…she admitted, yeah, they kind of were.
And she asked how to fix them, and he didn’t say anything.
She says “You are supposed to be the teacher, right, and teach us?”
He said he already taught it.
So she goes back to her chair. Later, he came over and said “You such a crappy student! You used to be good student!”
She yells: “I am sorry if my 95% in this class isn’t good enough for you!”
Apparently, also, this guy will say things like “Fix your face!” if he doesn’t like what you’ve said. So he says it to my sister, who replies, “I don’t need to fix my face.” He tells her to “fix her mouth,” and without missing a beat, she says “My mouth was never broken,” and he just….had no reply to that.